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Wilmington’s new minor league baseball team is called the Sharks

… which is kind of lame. I feel like minor league baseball is the world’s only opportunity to use hilarious bullshit animals as mascots and have it be awesome. The Hickory Crawdads, for instance, or the Carolina Mudcats. The Durham Bulls are the only exception. They get a real mascot because they’re the fucking Bull Durham.

Winston-Salem used to be the Warthogs, and that was awesome, but now they’re called the Dash, as in the hyphen in Winston-Salem and also the act of running between bases. I’m all for awkward puns, but I’m not okay with that one. Greensboro used to be called the Greensboro Bats, and that’s a baseball mascot pun I can get behind, but now they’re the Grasshoppers, which is okay I guess, but if you’re going with a dumb animal, it should be something really dumb, like the Banana Slugs. I personally voted for the “Winston-Salem Big Tobacco” and the Camels, for obvious reasons, but neither made the cut.

Anyway, I was hoping Wilmington’s team would be called the Sand Gnats or the Ghost Crabs or something if they had to do something beachy. Maybe the Cape Fear Coconut Crabs. Yeah. Coconut Crabs.