“If you are sent out to collect a bill or make a sale, and you feel a sense of relief upon finding that the person you were sent to collect from or sell to is not at home, then you are not a collector or a salesman.”—
is now on Hallmark. It’s exactly what it sounds like. We changed the channel after 5 minutes of Jay Mohr making dog puns, but I’m fairly confident that there are 115 more minutes of Jay Mohr making the same dog puns from every movie narrated by a dog.
“If you want to keep Christ in Christmas, worry about things more important than the signs and decorations at JC Penney. You think Christmas should be about Christ? Then take up your cross and follow Jesus – not into department stores, but into the prisons, the hospitals, among the poor and the outcast. You get angry when someone doesn’t say “Christmas?” Try getting angry over Christ’s children dying of malnutrition or AIDS. Try getting angry over the fact that the Christmas chocolate you love so much was kept cheap on the back of the working poor. Try getting angry over the fact that Christians are keeping people out of churches with their closed minds and closed doors.”—The Fat Pastor (via qglas)
And the billboard had a picture of pansy flowers and a rifle.
See, billboard, I don’t think you’re being explicit enough in your premises. We need to demonstrate to the people that obviously shooting a gun and being a pansy are a universal, natural and mutually exclusive dichotomy - that shooting a gun is a necessary and sufficient condition for being other-than-pansy - that you’re necessarily a pansy if you don’t shoot a gun, ergo, ipso facto, you’re not a pansy if you shoot a gun.
Although any good, sad Bill-centered episode - like the one where he’s really excited to be Hank’s barber, or when he becomes the sad neighborhood Santa with Christmas stuff out until April, or when he goes to Louisiana to try and marry one of the surviving Dauterive women - is collectively a close second