If you are sent out to collect a bill or make a sale, and you feel a sense of...
File under: Pronunciations I don’t understand.
Christmas Dog Puns: The Movie
is now on Hallmark. It’s exactly what it sounds like. We changed the channel after 5 minutes of Jay Mohr making dog puns, but I’m fairly confident that there are 115 more minutes of Jay Mohr making the same dog puns from every movie narrated by a dog.
It is no wonder that people are so horrible when they start their life as...– Kingsley Amis (via libraryland)
camiwillknow: We have agreed, however, that Luke is the worst part of Star Wars. Excepting those other three movies, but they clearly don’t actually count. However - I could live in a universe where the 2000’s happened first, followed by the 1970’s and 80’s.
If you want to keep Christ in Christmas, worry about things more important than...– The Fat Pastor (via qglas)
Today all the newspaper comic strips are running the same “turkey makes you take a nap” and “I’m thankful I have a day off to eat and watch football” jokes they’ve been running since 1943. This is why print media is obsolete.
"Pansies converted daily"
And the billboard had a picture of pansy flowers and a rifle. See, billboard, I don’t think you’re being explicit enough in your premises. We need to demonstrate to the people that obviously shooting a gun and being a pansy are a universal, natural and mutually exclusive dichotomy - that shooting a gun is a necessary and sufficient condition for being other-than-pansy - that...
In which my family doesn't know what I look like.
Mom: You were spotted last night. Me: What? Mom: They saw you at the game. Me: Who? What? Mom: [cousin] said she saw you and [other cousin] on tv at the Carolina basketball game last night. Me: … I wasn’t at the game. I’m not a student anymore, I can’t even get into the games.