a varsity jacket but it has three arms and it’s melting
your football shoulder pads have grass growing out of them and they constantly hum
you shove nerds not into lockers, but into other planes of existence. your football is always singing, singing, singing. the astroturf changes colors beneath you, and whispers the name of every person you’ve ever loved.
You have just described the Boise State football team.
Cartoonist Matt Bors got a spot on CNN for his great, scathing critique of the narrative of the lazy, narcissistic “Millennials,” which has gone well beyond “get off my lawn” territory and into the realm of out-and-out demographic prejudice.
Lifehack: If you need money to survive, start up a Kickstarter and ask people to give you money to make a mayonnaise-soaked foodstuff. Don’t tell them the money will actually go toward rent, medication, basic toiletries, or groceries. Let them think they are being ironic and humorously aiding a fellow non-poor person. They will give you so much money in their strenuous effort to be ironic and have a laugh.
I also wanted to point out that there are quite a few Bible verses that condemn men who have made sexual advances against women who were “questionably” dressed, as you might put it. Judah and his daughter-in-law, Tamar, for example. You may remember that Tamar dressed as a prostitute in order to entice Judah, because Judah refused to give her his third son in marriage, as was her right in that day and age. When she was later found pregnant, Judah is ultimately the one accused of wrongdoing (and rightfully so!). How about David and Bathsheba? He saw her bathing on the roof of her house (a perfectly normal custom in those days) and desired her. Who is punished later for the crimes that followed? Technically it was David’s son, true, but the text is clear that the punishment is meant for David; David was the one who committed the wrong. Shall we have another one? Jesus says absolutely nothing about women dressing provocatively, but in Matthew 5 he tells men that if they lust after another woman they have committed adultery, and later insinuates that they should probably just tear out their eyes. That’s right – Jesus’ solution to the lust problem is that men should tear out their eyes if they can’t help themselves, not that women should cover up more.
Revealing one’s body to others was not an unusual thing in the ancient world. They had public baths and public latrines, neither of which were separated according to gender or afforded much privacy. If you got worked up over seeing someone naked, that was your problem, not theirs. I really don’t see why it should be so different today.
So stoked about the Hobby Lobby ruling today. Officially going to incorporate myself so I can get a religious exemption for my student loans debt they violate my deeply held religious conviction that all debts are supposed to be forgiven every seven years, as per the book of Deuteronomy.